I often talk to women who tell me about a date with a guy who did so many things just wrong: There were a few things just not right about him: He didn’t sit there nicely, he laughed just a bit too loud or he was wearing the wrong socks. Most men get pretty irritated when they hear such things: there surely is no way that these little things can turn into criteria to exclude them as suitable men! Of course they do not; they just show that a woman somehow had a bad feeling about them but cannot determine exactly what was wrong. But some little thing that did not fit can now be used as an excuse, taking the place of that vague feeling that he was simply not the right one.

After talking to women all over the world, I have to conclude that such things are a constant factor in the dating world. Especially in Western cultures. This has made me aware of something that makes women lose an incredible number of opportunities with men: negative thinking! Especially Western Europe and the U.S. seem to have a big problem with women who seem to know ever so clearly what they do not want, what men cannot do under any circumstances, or how men must not be like. Usually this attitude is accompanied by a severe lack of awareness of what these women actually do want in a man. (A good sign for being in this trap is that these kinds of women hate me for writing what women really want. And they are even less satisfied with their lives and the men they share their lives with.

What is missing is a fundamentally positive attitude regarding men – and in many cases even with life itself.

The typical role of a woman as the “victim” of men and society is nothing but a stereotype – but this stereotype is influencing the attitudes and behavior of a whole generation of women. And there is nothing that makes a woman’s life (especially when it comes to men) as hard and dreadful.


Of course this is something very difficult to change. Our cultures have set up a social obstacle course that has made a whole generation of women unhappy by now. The good news: you can change this! The motivation: if you have already changed, or at least you are on the way to changing, you will be much happier and more content in life! But how is this to be done? Here are a few very specific tips:

See the positive aspects of things (if a “yes, but…” is lurking in the back of your mind, then this is positive proof that negative thinking has become rampant). Most things in life are only difficult when regarded as such. It is therefore important to assess those things you have so far perceived as negative in a different way. Replace “but” with “and”. This is an old trick from psychotherapy and helps wonderfully: “The guy last night was nice and he laughed out loud!”

We expect only positive things.  Because if we expect a date (a job interview, a visit to the doctor, etc.) to have negative results, then there is a much higher chance of it really turning out that way.

A positive attitude to life is not only helpful, but has an incredibly attractive effect on men. If you have had a negative attitude for your whole life, then you will not become a positive person overnight. But experience shows that big steps can be taken with enough practice, allowing you to become a positive and attractive woman almost automatically.