I have had to listen to this stuff for many years, over and over again, coming from both men and women. And it sucks! The reason is that it is nothing more than an excuse not to work on oneself and to place the blame for one’s lack of success with women, men, or anything else in life on something else. If you were satisfied with yourself and the life you lead, you wouldn’t be looking for information to help you to have a chance with the opposite sex in blogs such as mine. You know for sure that being just “the way you are” is not exactly a great thing. If you would actually have to stay that way because you are supposedly afraid of losing your personality, there would not even be any need to try to improve.

But don’t worry. Since I understand clearly that it is very hard to improve and work on oneself. Because in order to do so, you have to face your fears and weaknesses, and this is often something very difficult and even painful to do. I am still in the midst of this process myself, and I often have exactly the same problems as my readers. I therefore believe that we should simply tackle this together, allowing more people to benefit from each others experience. (A small call for comments on this site: It would be great if you, dear reader, could share your experience with me and the other visitors of my blog. Like this we might all move forward and perhaps even come up with solutions and entirely new questions, which I would be happy to discuss here!)

Back to the topic: If you really think about “the way you are”, you will quickly realise that this is not so easy to define as you might think.

There are of course some things as personality traits and other psychological aspects that are very hard to change – or even not at all. However, this is only a part of the story, because there is no place where “the way you are” is clearly defined, and from a purely psychological point of view, this state always changes: depending on age, experience, gender, environment, etc., etc., we are always shaping our personality, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.

This simply means therefore bringing out as much as possible of what is positive within yourself, while avoiding all that is negative or even getting rid of it completely. And that’s exactly the point here: improving yourself as a person will incidentally result in your having success with the opposite sex. And to get a little additional motivation: you will be already more attractive if you work constantly on yourself trying to improve. If the result also turns out positive, everything is fine!